Friday, February 17, 2012

England rugby jokes - well you have to don't you?

Dai was on his way home from the England v Wales match at Twickenham when he had to screech to a halt and ended up in a massive traffic jam on the M4.
He wound down the window and thought to himself, This seems bad, nothings moving at all. He noticed a police officer walking back and forth, in and out of all the cars, so Dai shouts over,Scuse me officer, whats going on then? The officer replies, an England fan,so depressed about losing to Wales today and the prospect of winning nothing again this year, he feels a right idiot for gobbing off saying England are the best team in the world, hes actually threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire!!
The officer goes on - His family find him arrogant, and he hasn't got many mates. Im just walking around taking up a collection for him.Oh tidy says Dai, how much have you collected so far? So far, replies the officer, weve collected about 100 litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning!!!

Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up everything inside them is numbered."
The second surgeon says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is colour-coded."
The fourth one says, "I prefer English rugby players. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and bums are interchangeable."

Did you hear about the English rugby player who was found dead outside
a Pizza Hut covered in cheese, tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers and pepperoni.

Police reckon he topped himself.

The Pope was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off-shore. A helpless man, wearing an English rugby jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25 foot shark.

As the Pope watched in horror, a speedboat pulled up with three men wearing Welsh, Irish and Scottish rugby jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side while the other two reached out and pulled the hapless English fan from the water. Then, using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I heard that there were some bitter hatred between the Celts and England rugby fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies: "Who was that?"

"It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well" the harpooner said, "he may have access to God and his wisdom, but he doesn't know anything about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up OK or do we need to get another one?"

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